Sportsball

AFL Tarot Coach

Kat

26 Feb 2025 — 4 min read

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We are mere days from the opening round of the 2025 Australian Football League (AFL) season and the sports writers and talkers are struggling for content. After all, no sportsball has yet been played, there's nothing to write or talk about.

It's the perfect time to share with you a tried and tested system for dealing with in-game football feelings and offering coaching tips from the couch: AFL Tarot Coach.

First though, I feel the need to cover bases. Some people find Tarot cards to be an affront to their sensibilities. Some of those people have engineering degrees or otherwise consider themselves smart.

To them I say: Don't worry. They are bits of cardstock with pictures on them. They do not have special powers. However this does not mean they're not useful. I use Tarot cards unironically as a tool for self-reflection, something I may well post about at another time.

Now, to the topic at hand. AFL Tarot Coach harnesses the power of cardstock with pictures on them to answer the right AFL questions at the right AFL time. Let's get right into how it's done.

You will need:

at least one deck of Tarot cards, preferably one deck per participant. (In the photo are cards from Wise Dogs, Jodorowsky's Tarot de Marseille, and the Horror Tarot.)
scrap paper
marker pens, e.g. Sharpies
a table, preferably situated between you and the television
a television that plays live AFL matches

Mark out a playing area with plenty of space for cards. The playing area needs a section for pre-game, one section for each quarter, a section for half time and a section for post-game.

In each section, questions will be posed (write the questions on the scrap paper). Write the questions on the scrap paper and put them in the appropriate section. Feel free to make up your own questions too.

The questions relate to the team you want to win, and therefore are coaching. Participants can coach different teams if they wish - this will make it more chaotic, which is encouraged.

Some cards and questions are in the photo at the top of this post. The rest, just use your imagination.

Pre-game

Pull a card for each of the following questions:

What should they have learned from their last match?
What energy do they bring into this match?
What is the challenge presented by the opposing team?

In this example, we pull the Eight of Pentacles, the Valet de Baton (a.k.a. the Page of Wands) and the Four of Wands.

That's telling us that in their last match they have hopefully learned to focus on developing the mastery that comes from repetition like a skilled craftsperson. The Valet tells us they bring ideal energy: they are going to come out with a heady mix of passion and unspoiled naïveté and direct their collective will out on the park.

But the opposing team have the Four of Wands on their side - they are at peak team bliss right now and firing on all cylinders. It's going to be a good one!!

First quarter

Now we are watching the telly and pulling cards only when certain things occur.

First goal of the match
The lead changes
At the siren: Self check-in - how are you feeling?

Football gives rise to football feelings, so it's important to check in with yourself and your friends! The end of the first quarter is a good time to do that. Here we pulled La Lune (The Moon) which means having to traverse the unknown. It will be difficult but we will learn things. Like when Yoda made Luke go into that cave on the Degobah System planet (I think it was a cave, I'm not going to check).

Second quarter

The card-pulls are all emergent at this point, when certain things occur, like:

Free inside 50 and they miss
A 3-goal difference is broken

These questions come out whenever these things happen - not only in the second half. So keep those bits of paper at hand.

You don't actually need that many questions unless you want to miss the entire game because you're too busy dicking around with cards and the little interpretation books.

Half time

Time for some serious coaching! Pull cards to answer:

How will the game change in the second half?
What should they keep doing?
What should they stop doing?

You can see in the top left of the image we auspiciously got a major arcana card - The Magician - for what they should keep doing. Don't forget to look at the picture - why is that dog asleep?! Luckily this is a fantastic card. The football is connected to their souls and their pure energy is out there on the field. For me, that means Good Jamarra is playing today.

How will the game change in the second half? That sounds suspiciously like fortune-telling! Oh well! It's going to change completely, because we pulled Judgement. They had better own whatever happened in the first half and make a fresh start.

Temperance represents what they should stop doing in the second half. I think that's self-explanatory. Now the siren is honking and it's time to get back out there.

Third quarter

Pull a card when:

Either team scores a goal
5 minutes left in the quarter

And whenever the emergent questions (from the second quarter) are called for.

Fourth quarter

Pull a card if:

The match looks unwinnable/unlosable (this is your judgement call)
There's 10 minutes left and it's anyone's

On the latter we pull the Three of Swords - oh no - things are falling apart at the seams. It may be that time betrays us in the end... or does it???

Post-game debrief

What has happened has happened. Maybe it fell apart or maybe they squeaked through. It doesn't matter anymore - it's time to think ahead to next week with one more card.